War with the postal service.

Hello there,

I didn't really know what to write about this time so I'm going to tell you about my very uninteresting fall out and psychotic episode, that followed, due to the royal mail postage system.

It all started one fateful morning on the 21st when I had manages to miss the postman and my package, because it was too big - he he. (Snickers like a child.) Anyway, I got one of those little red bits of card which said I had missed the delivery of my packaged and thought, well, shit. I've missed my package and now I have to walk miles to pick it up! (That was the last thing I wanted to do. My friend had done it a few days previously and said it was one hell of a walk. No thank you.) But all was not lost! I could have it redelivered when I wanted it. Super, let's do that.

So I did. I asked for it to be redelivered on the 24th, even waiting the customary 24 hours that it asks you to on the slip of card, like a good girl and postal service using citizen. I get up nice and early on the 24th so I can't possibly miss the postman, but there was no post that day. Sad times. Is something wrong with my package? Where is it?! I wait till Tuesday, as it was bank holiday weekend. Still no post. Shit is getting serious. I want my package.

So I arrange another redelivery. Please, god of post, delivery my package safely to me, your humble receiver. While this is going on I get a message from currys with my tracking number for my new nexus. (Which is totally awesome by the way.) But the plot twist is that this number doesn't work. Oh lord, what plague have you sent me now?! So it gets to Thursday the 29th - package redelivery day. Or at least they tell me so. But I'm feeling good about this as my tracking number seems to be functioning at last!

So I'm waiting for my package. Going slightly insane, because I'm now convinced I'm doomed never to receive another package in my life as the clock is showing nearly 12. But its okay, I have seen a reflection of the van in the bus as it stops next to the house! Surely my package has finally arrived! The wait is over!  But all is posted is 2 letters. I am doomed. All I want is the postage service to do what it said it would and redeliver it to me! Is that so much to ask? Apparently so.

I am starting to lose my rag now. So I call the delivery office and ask were my package is.

"Out for delivery they say."
"Then why has the postman already been without heads or tail of my package. Plus this is the second time I have asked for it, so stop sounding so annoyed I'm calling you stupid bint and give me my package. I am sorry. Your not a bint, I just really want my package." "
Its probably still in the van and will be delivered soon."
"Why can't you just post it at the same time?! I can see the van. It would not be that difficult. Okay thank you."

And sure enough, ten minutes later it turns up. A hollow victory though. This could have all been avoided if you had just resent it the fist time I asked you to. Like you said you would. I always had faith in the royal mail service. But the blind fold has been removed and my child like naivety shattered. The postal service isn't faultless.

The next day my nexus is due to arrive. But can I really trust the royal mail to deliver my package on time. Or will I be left disappointed once more?

But it arrives - and just like that, all is forgiven. Well, until I have to wait for my Chinese tea set to arrive.

Thanks,
TheTinyBookwork
Xx

Feeling a little bit anxious...

Hello there,

Time for a slightly more serious post I think. So, recently I've been feeling anxious, really anxious. It's starting to worry me a lot as I am sure it is not only affecting myself, but, also those around me. It's been getting worse, steadily, so much so that I cant really pinpoint when it really started. It has kind of snuck on me. 

I've always been anxious by nature. I always cared too much about others feelings, when it wasn't necessary, what others think of me and how well I am doing be it school or sport. This wasn't necessarily a bad thing. I mean it allowed and even to some degree pushed me to be the best person I can be. But I think I have gotten a tiny bit lost along the way.

Now I feel anxious in almost all the things I do. Especially when in social interactions and doing or learning things that are out of my comfort zone. I hate doing these things now. It makes me sweat, shake and feel sick to my stomach. Perhaps I have drilled myself to the point that I now fear trying new things as I am terrified at failing or looking stupid.

It is all becoming a bit too much. It is getting to the point were I am almost always trying to crush the anxiety which manifests itself as a constant pressure high in my chest which constricts my breathing and makes me heart ache. The more I notice the pressure and the building anxiety the bigger it gets until it fills my chest and me whole being and I am ready to burst, usually into shakes and tears. 

I try to talk myself back to rationality that the problem doesn't really exist, or that at least it is a small problem that can be easily handled or talked through. But I get trapped in my own head with all my worries and insecurities. And it is usually the small problems, that wouldn't normally get to others, that get to me over the larger life problems just as moving to the new uni house or even trying to complete my exams, or even bigger, my course.

I need to relax more and realise that a lot of my worries are unnecessary before my anxiety takes over my life. But I think being able to write some of my feelings down, in some semblance of order, is going to be a big help and step in the right direction towards letting, at least, some of my anxiety go.

Thanks,
TheTinyBookworm
xx

Crouching Tiger Painted Dragon

Hi there,

It's been awhile since my last post. I could spout many excuses about having my braces taken off and moving to my new uni house (the packing was never ending! I may still be suffering from mild trauma...) but the real reason I haven't posted something recently is because I am lazy and a chronic procrastinator. ( I need to keep doing small things so that I'm not over exerting myself but also to that I am staving off the immanent period of just doing nothing of consequence for days or weeks.)

But I did do something mildly productive in the days before my big move into my new home. I painted.

Before I finished my first year of uni I promised my gorgeous boyfriend that I would paint him something that he could put up in his room and after many weeks of procrastination deliberation on my part I decided to paint my take on a Chinese style dragon with the only prerequisites being that it was green, gold and black.

Concept art

Here is my concept drawing of roughly what I wanted my dragon to look like. As you can see I like to draw my dragons fairly elaborately with lost of curving spinal plates and an elaborate head and tail to give the impression of a elegant dragon. (That an I am a sucker for lots of detail to hide my scruffy sketches.) You may also see faint lines on the body which suggest arms. I wasn't at this stage sure if I wanted to draw arms as I though this might take away from the Chinese-iness of my dragon and make it more medieval European looking.

Background filled in.

So I went for the arms. What can I say...I think a dragon should have arms so that it can walk around and stuff. (And no, it does not need wings to fly. It is a Chinese dragon and flies with it's mystical dragon powers. Haku in Spirited Away didn't have wings so neither does my dragon.) I chose to paint the background purple as I thought that I would make the best contrast with the green of the dragon. I have also changed the spinal plates slightly as I decided I'd have it look a little more scary and fearsome than just elegant.

Spinal plates!

So here I have done the spinal plates in black and tipped them with gold paint so that they catch the light but also because this creates a greater contrast with the background. This bit was good fun and allowed me to go a bit more extreme with the tail.

Finished!

I know what you are thinking. She's got a bit ahead of herself here. And yeah I have. I forgot to take more picture so unfortunately this is the last one. But I am going to talk through it anyway.

I first painted the green body and arms/legs first with a medium green with some gold miked in to give a bit of a shimmer. (OMG this mas the hardest part ever. Trying to keep my hand steady so that i didn't paint over my spinal plates and too far into the background was what I can imagine disabling a bomb feels a bit like. All my effort went into slowly making sure I didn't make any mistakes and ruin my painting that I felt physically, mentally and emotionally tired afterwards.) Once this was finished I did a similar process for the belly plates with the gold paint, paying special attention to where the dragon's body moves to the plates are entirely visible and behind the more prominent part of the body which is closer to the viewer so that it looked more realistic.

Then I painted shadows around the parts of the body would be in shadow around the middle and head but also around the legs to give them definition and the impression that they have come out of the sides of the main body. Then I painted the definition of the belly plates with some black paint and the smallest brush I had.

I left the head to last. I painted it a graduating green turning into black at the spine type areas of the head. Then once again tipped in gold. Lastly I did finishing touched such as shading dark green to the head and then the eye and teeth along with the white claws, finally finishes with the golden touched to the head. 

The voila! my dragon.

I was and am still really pleased with my dragon painting and so is Joe. The only things I would change if I could would be to center it better, taking the legs into account this time as there is quite a lot of empty space on the left side. 

My sister says it looks a bit like a coat of arms...like a Lannister lion. ( I can see where she got that from and probably did influence me a tiny bit.)

Thanks,

TheTinyBookworm

xx

Ps. Sorry for the terrible quality pictures taken off my phone. I will use my camera next time. Lesson learned.

Artificial Intelligence

Hi there,

Been doing quite a bit of Science Fiction reading recently and while reading Iain M Banks' Culture novels I got the inspiration for this.

Robot

It's just a little doodle done with a biro. He looks kind of lonely. If he feels loneliness. Perhaps he just wants to feel that he matters as much as something 'living'. Cogito ergo sum - I think, therefore I am. If a robot/machine can think for itself and feel does that make it alive?

Thanks,

TheTinyBookworm
xx

Why I am terrified about having my braces off...

Hi there,

So, here's the deal. After almost two years I am having my braces off on the 15th. But I'm terrified. I know what you're thinking 'what are you on about you crazy bint, who wouldn't want to have their braces off?'. Of course I want them off and have straight teeth and my mouth to myself again. (It feels like they've been doing a multi million pound project to completely renovate my mouth for the past two years, although, it looked finished after four months but I have still had to wait another year and seven months. So yeah I can't wait to have my mouth back.) But here's the thing, I've grown kind of attached to my mouth scaffolding.

The rational side of my brains shouts about the fact that I will be able to eat apples and wine gums without worrying that something fundamental will break in my mouth. And I can chew gum! Oh lord, how I have missed chewing gum. (No more incidents of being offered gum by my friends who have momentarily forgotten about my braces and I have to politely decline because of my braces. Then realisation dawns on them. Then they look at my with that face that says 'I'm so sorry, I forgot, but how do you survive without chewing gum? It must be hell on earth for you.' Like I'm being deprived of a basic human right. Which, sometimes, think I am.) Not too mention I'll have beautiful straight teeth for the first time. I should be excited, and for the most part I am. But.

There's a more than tiny part of me that is terrified at the prospect. I had a dream a couple of weeks ago where I go in for a check up and they suddenly take my braces off with no warning and I'm completely unprepared. I wake up with the greatest feeling of terror, loss and self consciousness which cut to my very core. The thing is that, although my braces and I have had a love/hate relationship, they are a part of me. 

When they first went on I had never felt less like myself and more ugly, however, I've grown to treat them like some ugly face armor which I can hide behind. (It doesn't matter if my smile looks crap in that picture because I have braces so my smile will always look crap, sort of thing.) But without them I'm exposed to the world. I'll be without my metal comfort blanket and if I look bad in a photo or having a ugly day its because I look bad, not because I have braces and there's nothing I can do about it. I know that I should stop being so self conscious about how I look, because not that many people really care, and I should try to be happy with myself as I am. But its not that easy.

My braces coming off also has some symbolic meaning. My whole life is changing, I'm properly moving out for my second year of uni into a new home, I need to start taking my course and future seriously and I'm trying to become the person I've always wanted to be by doing more of the things I love and expressing myself. Its all a little overwhelming. What if I fail? What if i'm still not happy with how I look even when I have straight teeth. I'm not self hating, but like everyone I have moments of insecurity. I'm worried for the future.

Hopefully, this will signify a new chapter in my life where I start feeling more confident and happy within myself. (Its more likely that people wont notice they've gone or what I even looked like with them.) He's to being cautiously optimistic for the future. (My goodness woman, you are so dramatic, you're only getting your braces off. It's not like you're starting uni again. Idiot. I Know, I'm sorry just rambling.)

I am so excited for the 15th. I hope my teeth look awesome and I can't wait to have my teeth back.

Thanks,
TheTinyBookworm

xx

Ps. It was so difficult not to make a joke about being able to give better BJs. Mind in the gutter.

Brace yourselves, opinions are coming...

Hi there, 

I had a thought yesterday, the blogs name is TheTinyBookworm and I have yet to mention a single book. Considering I have just finished the third book in the Song of Ice and Fire series (the Game of Thrones books) I thought it would make sense to do a little blog on the books and series. 

I thought I'd begin with a rundown of my favourite characters, again in a numbered list.

Favourite characters:

1. Sandor Glegane (The Hound) - Okay, I think I should admit straight off the bat that I have a weird love for the Hound, a sort of Beauty and the Beast thing going on. Not to say I'm Belle like, but there is something about dark, ugly, scary, emotionally and/or physically scarred male characters that I have a huge soft spot for. (What I think I'm trying to get at is that I've always preferred the Phantom over Raoul and I'll always root for the haunted villain/anti-hero over the perfect hero every day of the week.) Sandor Clegane is a giant dick to just about every character in the series, but, there's something about the way he tries to teach Sansa to stop being so trusting and meek and fend for herself in the lion pen which is court which gives me the fuzzies. (I'm a psycho. There's just something in me that wants to fix a broken man. Stockholm Syndrome or something crazy.

   

   Sandor Clegane

2. Tyrion Lannister - I think this one is obvious. Tyrion is hilarious and really well written in both the books and the TV series and Peter Dinklage is probably the best thing that could have happened to the series. One of the things I love most about Tyrion is watching his transition from hopeless drunk and wencher to one of the top playing in the 'game of thrones'. However, I feel sorry for him because he is genuinely good guy trying to do the right thing for the throne, Kingdom and his family so gets the short (hehe) end of the stick and usually ends up to his neck in fecal matter when it hits the fan. Although one thing I wish they had done was to make his injury and scar as grotesque as it is described in the book and not tone it down so that it does offend the audience. (Or whatever ridiculous reason they decided not to stick to the books with this. He already has so much going against him. Might as well go the hog with it.)

   

   Tyrion Lannister

3. Jaime Lannister - For those of you who have not read the books as far as I have or have not watch all three series, you may want to stop reading as SPOILERS ARE COMING!                                                                                                                                                                                                      Jaime's transition from being the two dimensional  twin fucking, pretty boy knight to the cynical, humbled, funny and even a little bit caring leader of the King's Guard was one of the most enjoyable things to read in book three, Storm of Swords. I know it shouldn't have taken losing his sword-hand to making him strive to become a good person, but its realistic. I like how extended exposure to Brienne brings him down to earth. But what I love most is that even with his new found self doubt he's still a arrogant dick sometimes. (I hate perfect characters. And there's nothing more boring than a bad guy that becomes a perfect hero overnight. Jaime is a overconfident douche and I love that about him.)

   

   Jaime Lannister

What I really like about the Song of Ice and Fire series is that George RR Martin is writes characters I love to hate. These aren't your run of the mill fairy tale villains who are just evil without a cause but are fleshed out characters with back stories and motives. So without further ado...

1. Cersie Lannister - Few characters in anything get me riled up enough to actually shout at my book or TV screen, but she does. As much as I hate her guts and want her to just die every episode/chapter I know that if/when she does Game of Thrones wont be the same again (and Im not sure in a good way). Cersie is the bitch-evil glue that sticks alot of the story together. I like watching the bitter relationship she has with Tyrion and waiting to see if and how he is going to out scheme her. I also find her dynamic with Joffrey (why wont he just die) interesting as she fights to be a good mother (don't fuck your twin brother would be a good start) but coming to terms with the fact her son is a monster. Not to mention her daddy and brother issues and the fact she resents being born a woman. The woman has issues and I like that in my villains. I still want her to die a horrible, painful death, but maybe not till the final book/series. (I think the series will lose something special if they kill her off too early. Please don't hate me.)
2. Tywin Lannister - Tywin is a difficult character for me because part of me really likes the man despite him being the crusher of souls as well as rebellions and a lot of the bad stuff in the series can be traced back to him. But a bit like a Godfather-esque Capo di tutti capi or don, he's cool and to the point and it can't be denied hes an excellent leader and even though hes a bad guy I still want to be part of the family and stay on his good side. Okay, hes a giant douche to Tyrion (but those were the prejudices of the time period this is set) but he does everything in protection and preservation of the family. (As far as I'm concerned Tywin might as well be King because he seems to be the only one doing anything in the war.) But being serious the man is a giant dick but at least he doesn't hind it it. (I'd be a dick too if my son and daughter were in an twin-incestuous relationship, my grandson an evil moron and the only child I can be really proud of is the dwarf son I believe killed my loving Wife. Not to mention everyone makes jokes about me shitting gold. Although that would be useful.)
3. Roose Bolton - SPOILERS ARE COMING!                                                                                                                                                    In the beginning Roose Bolton just seemed to me as a very creepy Northman who was the only one in Robb Stark campaign doing what he was told and doing it well. (That should have been the telling sign. No minor character does anything useful and good in these books unless they're secretly plotting for their own gain.) Then he betrays the Stark's at the red wedding. In all honesty this didn't surprise me as much as it should. But what did surprise me was in the TV series. 

   

   I've fucked you over so hard.

   That face says it all really. 'I've screwed you over so bad and I don't even care.' Theon was right "This is no man to jape with. You had only to look at Bolton to know that he had more cruelty in his pinky toe than all the Freys combined." Bolton is a good bad guy because he does the one thing the fans never expected him to do, kill the young wolf.

You may be wondering why Arya Stark and Daenerys Targaryen or even Jon Snow are not in my top character list as they are in most. The reason is, at least at the moment, the two girls get on my nerves as much as I think they're cool. I'm all for strong, independant female characters but Dany often acts a stuck up bitch who should have Westoros handed to her because she is Mother of Dragons. (Maybe you would have the throne is you didn't feed your self-righteous need to free and be loved by all. Sort your shit out and go get the throne if you truly believe its yours. Stop whining about it.) Granted she is often awesome and I like how she puts people in their place, but sometimes she needs to take advice. 

Now Arya. I know she has more reason than pretty much any other characters to hate cause most her family is dead but sometimes I wish she would just chill out and think about something other than killing all those who wronged her. (You're only ten, shouldn't you be colouring or playing with dolls.) Maybe I'll like her more when she matures so shes a little less screechy and a little more calm and collected about taking revenge and actually be able to do it instead of killing kids. 

Its a similar thing with Bran, while having one of the least interesting stories, in my opinion, he also has a very childish view of things which just grates after reading so many chapters in him POV. (Sometimes I wonder if Hodor is actually intelligent, but cant express himself and that's why he has anxiety issues. I think he's telling Bran and Jojen to stop being little bitches and stop gallivanting into others heads. Its not nice.) I like Hodor. Oh and Jon, stop going on about be a bastard (you say it so much it actually makes me wonder if you are) and have fun because you have the potential to be the best character as you're pretty kick-ass. 

Urmm I'm sure sure there's much else to say other than Catelyn needs to shut up and do something useful or can we have someone else's point of view who is interesting and actually sees the action. I don't hate Melisandre as much as I did because she seems to be the only person south of the wall who sees the bigger picture. "The night is dark and full of terrors" so stop worrying about the iron throne and start worrying about white walkers or there wont be a throne to fight over. Idiots. 

I'm sure I'll have more rants about the Song of Ice and Fire Series/Game of Thrones as there is so much to talk about.

Thanks,

TheTinyBookworm

xx

Hodor, hodor, hodor. (I'm sorry, couldn't help myself.)

Baneling Bust

Hi there, 

So I having been thinking long and hard over what doodle to post first to my blog and finally after much deliberation I decided on this;

Cute little baneling!

My boyfriend is a huge nerd and loves Starcraft and Starcraft 2, so, being the top nerd girlfriend I am, I decided to treat him to a watercolour of a baneling. Its not perfect, but he seems to love it and I hope you will too.

Thanks,

TheTinyBookworm

xx

Superman Vs Batman

Hi there,

It will soon become apparent to anyone who reads this blog, I'm sure, that I am a comic book nerd. But more specifically, that I am a huge fan of Batman. With this in mind, please do not expect this post to be an objective discussion about the pros and cons of both Batman and Superman, because it won't be. I will shamelessly champion The Dark Knight and put down Superman (the overpowered douche bag) creating the illusion of this being a well throughout, objective group of observations.

I repeat. This is not meant to be objective. This is my opinion. (So please for the love of all thing super and fantastic do not take this too seriously. And please don't hate me if you love Superman.)

Anyone who keeps up with comics or comic book films will know that the next Superman film will be a Superman vs Batman affair with the two comic book giants facing off, again.

As a self confessed lover of the Caped Crusader and mega-fan of the Nolan Batman trilogy, I have my reservations about this. As it will be, at its core, a Superman film this suggests that Batman will be the antagonist. This unsettles me. Also who will play the new Batman? Christian Bale has refused to reappear as The Dark Knight (which I feel is the best that he could have done to spell a definite end to the Nolan trilogy and the hard, gritty Batman that I have grown to love), which means that a new Bat will have to be cast. Rumors suggest that the next Batman will be an older hero in opposition to the younger, up-and-coming Superman, played by Henry Cavill.

Names being thrown around include Richard Armitage (Thorin Oakensheild) and Matthew Goode (Ozymadias). However, part of me craves a less than perfect Batman who does look like celebrity (even though they will be a celebrity. You know what I mean, right?) to show the contrast between the 'American Dream' epitomizing Superman and the could-be-any-of-us Batman. But we'll see.

Okay, on to the ranty part. Why Batman is better than Superman, in a cute little numbered list (cause I have a hard on for order and lists);

1. Superman is too powerful. (A superhero who is too powerful I hear you cry?! Yep. It makes him boring.) It gets boring watching him fly headfirst into a situation and punching the problem until it is no longer a problem. It's no fun reading about or watching a superhero who you know is going to win. The man/alien might have super intelligence, but god forbid he ever uses it. And why bother when he can just laser-vision the villain to almost death (cause hes not allowed to kill anyone because of his moral code, or summin.) I would love to see Superman turn on humanity because he gets bored of saving our sorry asses and super-punch the moon out of orbit for shits and giggles. But he won't. Which leads onto my next point...
2. Superman is too perfect. Along with being all powerful he is perfect in every way. He looks perfect. He has the moral compass of a sainted saint. He is everything mankind/America. (Don't hate, you know its mostly true) strives to be. I'm sorry, but, I find this boring and totally unrelatable. Okay, I'll admit that Batman/Bruce Wayne has the intelligent of Stephen Hawking's as well as being amazing at every martial art ever created and builds the best gadgets, but he's mortal. Not to mention his emotionally crippledness. (The guy's got more issues than forest has trees.) But that's why I love him. He's got serious things going against him that sometimes make you wonder if he'll win through (even though you know he always will) or at least you look forward to see how he'll do it. (He can't always just fly and punch the problem in the face. But when he does, its still cooler than Superman.)
3. Batman has a cooler costume. All his costumes are cooler. (I'm sorry but you cant fight the truth. And black suits everyone. Sorry I just don't dig the blue and red 'AMERICAH! FUCK YEAH!' about it. I don't rate Captain America either, sorry.) Batman is Batman with no subliminal messaging. (Yes, I am insane.)
4. Batman has better villains. I will give Superman credit here, he does have Lex Luthor (and we all know Lex is a bad-ass) but this leads to me to back Lex over Superman. This is either testament to how good a villain Luthor is but it also tells me that Superman is not doing his job as a hero and making me like him. Batman has his rogue gallery full of interesting bad guys who have fantastical, traumatic back stories which make them as engaging as the main man.
5. Batman has a better secret identity. (I'm not saying its perfect because its not. I'm sure more than one person has noticed that Batman and Bruce Wayne are never seen in the same place and that Wayne spends mountains of his money on things the government doesn't see. It worries me how unobservant the people of Gotham City are.) But the fact remains that hipster glasses do not constitute a secret identity. Clark Kent is obviously Superman. End of story. (He should have had some cool alien cloaking mechanism that allowed him to look different. Why not? He has all the other superpowers...why not this convenient one?)

Okay, I'm sure there are many more reasons but I do not posses super-patience to write them all down now. (Super-patience would be an indispensable superpower. Would help with uni so much. But I digress, again, again.)

I guess what I am trying to say is kudos to Superman for being the first superhero and making Batman possible, but, he has a fatal flaw in being too perfect which makes him a boring and unrelatable hero. I'm not saying Batman/Bruce Wayne is the most relatable superhero, but I am more likely to become super rich and make awesome gadgets than suddenly find out I am an alien with the powers of a god. (Are gods just aliens?) Either way, I will probably go see the Superman vs Batman film, but, I don't expect much.

I am not saying that Batman is without fault. He is far too morally uptight for my liking sometimes. In many cases I prefer the villains. But that is a rant for another time. Batman isn't even a superhero hes a vigilante. But that is also a rant for another time.

Thanks, 

TheTinyBookworm

xx

Learning to play the Piano...

Hi there, 

It occurred to me as I was leaving sixth form and school I had attended for a whole seven years that I have achieved many things that I wanted to do both academically and through sport, however, one metaphorical pie I never really stuck my abnormally long childhood fingers into was music. As long as I can remember I have wanted to play an instrument. 

Like most young girls my first insight into the world of music was learning to play the recorder in the free lessons that my teacher put on at my primary school. Unfortunately I had no natural ability with reading music and little patience with anything that took longer than half an hour to learn, so I gave up pretty swiftly. (But not until I begged my parents to buy me a tenor recorder. Oops.)

My second foray into music was singing in the school choir. I'll admit that the only reason I did this was so that I could keep up with my friends, all of which seemed to have some mystical ability to sing, and so that I could go on music trips. But I soon gave up on this after being told by a friend that I couldn't sing. (My dreams of becoming a rock star crushed forever! Oh the humanity!)

From then on I stuck to what I was good at, academia, art and sports. But there was a treble cleft shaped hole in my heart that needed to be filled!

At uni my gorgeous boyfriend ignited my passion for music once again. Listening to him play the piano brought back memories of being a child and watching many of my friends learn to play instruments. I was most jealous of my closest friend who was learning to play the piano. (This post sounds a bit dramatic now that I'm reading it back. Sorry about the back story. Nearly up to date.) So during the final months of uni I popped the question to my boyfriend and asked him to teach me piano, and he said yes! 

So I am learning piano!

It is possibly the hardest thing I have ever tried to learn in my whole life. Don't get me wrong the first couple of hours were full of success after success as I learnt the basics, but it soon got harder (harder than a thirteen year old boy after finding his older brothers Zoo Mag for the first time. That was disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself. Sorry.) But in all honesty, I never in my wildest dreams thought it would be so difficult to move my fingers to press the right keys at the right time, in the right time. Don't even get me started on trying to read the music. I feel like a tot trying to learn the alphabet for the first time, only this alphabet doesn't give you the letters to read, it wants you to know the order already and wants you then to convert this into actions. (As an English student I love my letters so being told I cant have then the paper confuses and frightens me to no end.) But I've been battling through it and I'm still making steady progress and have even become somewhat good at a grade one piece! 

One of the hardest things about learning to play the piano for me is not being instantly good at it like I have been with almost everything else. (I'm a modest person really, promise.) But the absolute hardest thing about learning piano is overcoming my anxiety at being thought of a stupid or useless at something and playing in front of Joe because I know that means getting it wrong maybe a hundred times before I get it right. My overwhelming desire to do everything perfect first time means that I often get overly stressed while playing and this makes me crap. I've already shed many a tear over piano and threatened to quit it altogether more than once and I am sure there is more to come. But I love it. I love being able to make music and when I am getting it right it makes me feel like I accomplished something amazing because I had to work for it. Working through my own kink in playing Creepy Crawly so that I now play it correctly is possibly my greatest moment. 

So yeah, expect more rants and updates as I continue to learn. Joe thinks I could be at grade five standard in six months but I'm not so sure. Either way I know that somewhere out there there is a two year old Chinese child who is already better at piano than me. (But then again there is always a Chinese child out there better than me at everything.) 

Thanks,
TheTinyBookworm
xx

Ps. I am learning to play Tale as Old as Time from Beauty and the Beast! My favorite Disney song from my favorite Disney film ever...I'm such a sad romantic. (I digress.) 

Popping the blogging cherry.

Hi there,

Okay, as you can probably tell from the title this is my first ever blog post and I am popping my blogging cherry. (This is actually kind of scary. I'm so lame. Lame? Who even says lame anymore? Apparently I do. I digress.)

There are a few reasons I'm writing this blog, so, being the anal retentive person I am going to list them with numbers. (Because I am a cool kid.)

1. To express myself in a semi-healthy way. In hopes that at least some of the pent up demons I have will works themselves out through writing my life and issues down or that they will explode out of me in rants caused by emotional breakdowns. (I apologize in advance for rants I am bound to have. But you'll probably enjoy my explosions and breakdowns you sick fucks. I joke. Please read my blog and pathetic qualms about life. Plus a friend told me to talk to someone about my feelings. I don't know if I'm up for that yet so here I am.)
2. As a creative outlet. I like to draw and do art and read and I have always wanted to write. Hopefully this will push me to do more of this and show people what I can do. (I'm terrified of this part. Please like me. I'm not really an artist or writer I am just pretending to be in hopes that one day I might accidentally become one.)
3. I have lots of opinions so I want to express these on a place in which there is a chance that someone will read and care what I have to say. As my name says I'm a bit (understatement) of a bookworm so I will probably be posting reviews of the books I read. I also love films so expect a review or two of films as well.
4. Lastly, I guess like most people in the world I want to be heard and think that people care what I have to say (write) and that my existence matters. (I am so self serving and feeding my narcissism and need for attention. I'm sure Freud would have something to say about this. Major penis envy, maybe, probably.)

Okay, I think that's about it for my first blog post. I'm not sure if anyone is going to read this, but if you do and you like what you read please comment and follow me or whatever it is cool kids do these days. (I am so out of sync with this stuff. Please give me time to work this out.) If you disagree with what I have to say, equally, please comment back and we can have a chat and debate. I love to hear your opinions!

Thanks, 

TheTinyBookworm

xx