Why I am terrified about having my braces off...

Hi there,

So, here's the deal. After almost two years I am having my braces off on the 15th. But I'm terrified. I know what you're thinking 'what are you on about you crazy bint, who wouldn't want to have their braces off?'. Of course I want them off and have straight teeth and my mouth to myself again. (It feels like they've been doing a multi million pound project to completely renovate my mouth for the past two years, although, it looked finished after four months but I have still had to wait another year and seven months. So yeah I can't wait to have my mouth back.) But here's the thing, I've grown kind of attached to my mouth scaffolding.

The rational side of my brains shouts about the fact that I will be able to eat apples and wine gums without worrying that something fundamental will break in my mouth. And I can chew gum! Oh lord, how I have missed chewing gum. (No more incidents of being offered gum by my friends who have momentarily forgotten about my braces and I have to politely decline because of my braces. Then realisation dawns on them. Then they look at my with that face that says 'I'm so sorry, I forgot, but how do you survive without chewing gum? It must be hell on earth for you.' Like I'm being deprived of a basic human right. Which, sometimes, think I am.) Not too mention I'll have beautiful straight teeth for the first time. I should be excited, and for the most part I am. But.

There's a more than tiny part of me that is terrified at the prospect. I had a dream a couple of weeks ago where I go in for a check up and they suddenly take my braces off with no warning and I'm completely unprepared. I wake up with the greatest feeling of terror, loss and self consciousness which cut to my very core. The thing is that, although my braces and I have had a love/hate relationship, they are a part of me. 

When they first went on I had never felt less like myself and more ugly, however, I've grown to treat them like some ugly face armor which I can hide behind. (It doesn't matter if my smile looks crap in that picture because I have braces so my smile will always look crap, sort of thing.) But without them I'm exposed to the world. I'll be without my metal comfort blanket and if I look bad in a photo or having a ugly day its because I look bad, not because I have braces and there's nothing I can do about it. I know that I should stop being so self conscious about how I look, because not that many people really care, and I should try to be happy with myself as I am. But its not that easy.

My braces coming off also has some symbolic meaning. My whole life is changing, I'm properly moving out for my second year of uni into a new home, I need to start taking my course and future seriously and I'm trying to become the person I've always wanted to be by doing more of the things I love and expressing myself. Its all a little overwhelming. What if I fail? What if i'm still not happy with how I look even when I have straight teeth. I'm not self hating, but like everyone I have moments of insecurity. I'm worried for the future.

Hopefully, this will signify a new chapter in my life where I start feeling more confident and happy within myself. (Its more likely that people wont notice they've gone or what I even looked like with them.) He's to being cautiously optimistic for the future. (My goodness woman, you are so dramatic, you're only getting your braces off. It's not like you're starting uni again. Idiot. I Know, I'm sorry just rambling.)

I am so excited for the 15th. I hope my teeth look awesome and I can't wait to have my teeth back.

Thanks,
TheTinyBookworm

xx

Ps. It was so difficult not to make a joke about being able to give better BJs. Mind in the gutter.